I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
