My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize