Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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