If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
