and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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