we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I could fuck to npr.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
