I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
