We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
