The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
