I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
