I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
