Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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