due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
