how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
