I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
