we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
