I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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