my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
