i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
