Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
