So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
