Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm both gender and math confused
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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