She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
