20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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