when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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