Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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