i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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