Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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