i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
