Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
