we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
