Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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