I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
