this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
