so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
