Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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