how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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