I am midnight drunk by noon
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
