I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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