I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
