yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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