dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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