I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
