I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
