Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize