She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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