I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
