Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Panties = found
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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