i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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