Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
