im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
