Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
