Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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