My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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