What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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