can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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