I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
