I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
