Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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