May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
