You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
