It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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