too bad you live with your parents still
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The air taste purple.
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