dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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