its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
