I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
