They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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