1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
