i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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