you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
