His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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