I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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