dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
