The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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