I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
