Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
