update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
