Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
