2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you didnt know i had herpes?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
