i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
