Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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